Curiouser and curiouser.

illusion_sage @ 2007-03-17T19:08:00

2007-03-17T23:12:56Z

i guess i should start with the usual...uhm..long time no talk?

i've been lazy with my lj, i know. sorry, loves! i miss you all so much. you really don't know hehe

life is alright. i, as usual, am procrastinating, but wanted to say hi to livejournal and everyone on my friends page.

i got my ipod shuffle working! woo!! i'm technologically advanced like the rest of the world. hahah just kidding.

today is st patricks day. i think i'll be going to different people's places tonight.

oh yea. i cut my hair. when it's straight, the back is much shorter than the front. remember cihan's hair style? think that, but with more of a straighter angle, indie banged and femininity ^_^

i hope you all are well and staying warm in this spontaneous snow/ice storm..

jamie - city snow storm!! must be crazy! bundle up man..
mel - welcome back! and tell me more about this talldarkandhandsome sandwich boy!
brian kennedy - please don't hate me...
erin - are we okay? :p

Put your hand on your heart...

2007-01-18T07:12:14Z

I can't sleep...

The heart, at times, is a gentle, caring, forgiving being, that wants to love and be loved. It would set aside past difficulties just to be loved by something again.

The mind, is rational and overpowering. It'll put aside the heart's feelings because the mind is not blind. It knows what is best...

I miss Boston. And New York. And driving around listening to Interpol and The Killers in the cold winter air. Holding hands, just enjoying each other's company. Driving around in the snow. Exploring new places.

Seeing the stars against the night sky...in the middle of nowhere.

Good times.

I'm going to try sleep again.

Looks like this is going....well?

2007-01-09T17:55:27Z

It's been a little more than a week into the new year, and how many posts have i written?

Yup. Zero.

And how much exercise have I done?

Yup. Just over one hour.

This is going to be a great year ^_~

You called me sunshine.

2006-12-21T04:34:49Z

Ok, New Year's resolution(s):

1. Exercise more.
2. Post more in the LJ.

Yep, that is my plan. I know i haven't posted much here. it's been crazy. but, i'd like to post more. perhaps when i come back i'll start. i'm leaving for about two and half weeks. visiting the mom's side of the family...it's been 15 years O_o;;; they are going to behead me for not being able to speak Spanish...again. Oy...

Everyone, have a great holiday break and a kikass new year celebration.

i'll be sending much love.

<3

Second of the night.

2006-11-14T07:50:42Z

You know, livejournal is awesome. This has been around for a while. It still does what it started off doing. No crazy changes in it.

Jaime, I just wanted to say, I love your layout. It's so peaceful.

Friends, I think it's time for a layout change. My first layout change in years.

...but I'll do it when I have time.

You'll perform brilliantly.

2006-11-14T07:45:58Z

Well, the entry I had intended to write, I've written before. I don't feel like rewriting it. No, livejournal did not lose it...

I just hopes he gets what he wants out of life. That he can find his path. I know he will. He's a great guy. I think...the best love of my life <3

Music helps a lot. Instead of crying, I'll get up and dance a bit, and it'll make me smile. Of course, it makes me cry, but,we have to cry a bit.

I just wanted to say anything to anyone. I IMed a mutual friend of ours...moreso his friend now I think...but I just wanted to talk to one of his friends..I don't know why. I guess because they are his friend, and are one step closer to him than I am at the moment. And I guess I wanted to feel him ::sigh::

I think I'll stay alone for a long time. I miss my friends from home. I can't wait to go homehome.

A wolf, in sheep's lingerie.

2006-11-07T05:37:06Z

It's sad when you realize that you would do almost anything for someone, but that they wouldn't do it for you. I've grown too attached to him again...and it's smacking me in the face. Hard.

Heh, you know, it really fucking hurts.

"The one who loves the other less, is the one who is in control." This has been passed from friend to friend starting in high school..and it never gets old. I used to be the one in control; but I think it has shifted....and I'm panicking. What the hell am I afraid of if I'm not with him? Not getting a guy? Not getting some action? Being alone? I'm perfectly content with myself. But letting him hurt me..makes me angry with myself. Because I let him. But alas. We all have to learn some way, right?

Gah. Relationhips are ___________. Yea, go ahead, insert a word. Let's see what we get...

Like mixing milk and whiskey.

2006-10-26T03:23:32Z

You know, I feel like I get in the way of a lot of things, people...

I haven't posted here in a while. I should be studying now, but that's ok. Ever get the feeling that you are annoying to people? Yea, that's what I feel...perhaps I should take a step back, and just do my own thing.

But, life is alright. When I have time, I'm going to post a SUPER-COOL POST with songs you should all listen to ^_^

Peace out, cub scouts.

(P.S. If you ever get the chance listen to Rachmaninoff's Symphonic Dances)

Smile like you mean it.

2006-08-01T15:35:11Z

Well, friends, I'm out. Leaving in a couple hours to start the journey to the airport. Sorry to those I wasn't able to see before I left, there are quite a couple. ::hugs to all::

Cyprus, I think, will be interesting this year. I'm not that excited as I used to be for this trip (I just want to stay home). Let's see what happens.

Have a good summer everyone!! I'll miss you all. Catch you in three weeks!

^_^

<3

illusion_sage @ 2006-07-10T11:44:00

2006-07-10T18:45:41Z

I would have liked to have seen France win.

But I have one question for my man, Zidane: Why did you do it?

::hugs image of him in her head:: poor guy.

illusion_sage @ 2006-07-07T12:44:00

2006-07-07T19:47:09Z

Hah!! Pirates of the Caribbean II: Dead Man's Chest was absolutely wonderful!! So funny ahhaha and def not for kids at times anymore ^__^ I was very pleased with it. I can't wait for the third!!

Oi!! This sunday!! World Cup Final! My dad's apartment! Be there are 2!!

Ok, so we're positive the game is at 3, not 1, right? Someone answer me please!

Better late than never...

2006-06-26T23:16:59Z

WORLD CUP BABY!!

Oh man! I've never been into it this much. I love it, hahah. If you want to watch a game, catch it on the spanish channels (41 or 47...) simply because the spanish commentators are much more exciting than the american commentators. It's as if they are commentating on a golf match! Sheesh!!! However, I am tre disappointed with the referees this Cup. They are calling penalties to things that would not even be considered yellow cards!!! >_< gah!! Australia's chance was taken by that, United States' chance was taken away by that...yar. Anyway...I went rock climbing yesterday, and that was awesome. A group of us went to the NJ Rock Gym on 46W...i'm sore. but its a good sore! ^__^ I think we're going again tomorrow night...!!!

I may be in rutgersland this friday...i hope so. I'll get to see some people i havent seen in quite a while.

I start camp tomorrow....i don't know how i am going to be able to wake up at 7 am. i tried today, and it didn't work so well. mom said she'll wake me up. it's a music camp, specifically elementary string kiddies, im volunteering at...so hopefully i get some good experience there ::crosses fingers::

i hope everyone is well...haven't seen people in a while. Boo to you all :p

<3 to all.

Like drinking poison, like eating glass.

2006-06-02T20:14:41Z

If it can be broke then it can be fixed, if it can be fused then it can be split
It's all under control
If it can be lost then it can be won, if it can be touched then it can be turned
All you need is time

We promised the world we'd tame it, what were we hoping for?

A sense of purpose and a sense of skill, a sense of function but a disregard
We will not be the first, we won't
You said you were going to conquer new frontiers,
Go stick your bloody head in the jaws of the beast

We promised the world, we'd tame it, what were we hoping for?

Breath in, breath out

So here we are reinventing the wheel
I'm shaking hands with a hurricane
It's a colour that I can't describe,
It's a language I can't understand
Ambition, tearing out the heart of you
Carving lines into you
Dripping down the sides of you

We will not be the last.

::sigh::

illusion_sage @ 2006-05-16T08:10:00

2006-05-16T13:12:02Z

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	5.8
Mind:	5.9
Body:	7.5
Spirit:	6.4
Friends/Family:	4.1
Love:	2.9
Finance:	2.9
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

hahah, hmmm, i should get moving on my financial situation hahah XD ^^;;;

Does it feel as if we're trying to live a memory?

2006-05-07T23:31:32Z

Well friends, it's over.

It was a beautiful two years, and I am so grateful I got to experience that with a great person, but alas, all good things come to an end. I had something previously written to put here, but I think it's too personal for me to post. Random ::hugs:: are always welcome.

I think I am going to stay silent for a while. But we'll see how long that lasts.

Finals are going alright. I have two more to go...then, home. I can't wait to get away from here. I want to be with my family. I want to be with my friends. I'm not getting away from the memories though; they are all in my head. But I know that in a week or so, I'll miss the music campus...it's like home. I feel safe there. I just want to feel safe in his arms again.

Step on the gas, wipe that tear away.

2006-04-28T11:30:30Z

How does one dettach themselves from another?

Because I am too attached for my own good. And it scares me...

Life has been alright. Kinda busy...and i think im stressed out, but i don't feel it. my skin has been rebelling (so thats what makes me think im stressed)
things with john are alright, all i can hope for is the best. violin is going well. juries are next friday so i have to practice my ass off for the next week. Hehe, i only have the first two pages of each of my pieces done ^^;;;

well, i'll talk more later, ive got to get my day started.

enjoi the sun ^_^

(i miss my friends from home)

Rajasthan

2006-04-22T04:29:45Z

I've been a fool.

As of now, I'm changing my ways.

illusion_sage @ 2006-04-13T10:42:00

2006-04-13T14:40:32Z

I hope things get better between us...

...we're hurting.

<3

you were just like a flower

2006-03-28T05:58:59Z

i havent posted in a while, and i wanted to say something because i missed this place...

...but i don't have much to say.

uhm, i've gotten better in pool. i cant wait to play again.

and my instrument sounds so much better now that i've gotten everything on it fixed. ill be performing tomorrow night with my friend amir, he'll be on piano, and we'll be playing in front of a baroque music class. should be fun.

and that life is amusing.

and if you've been labeled the peacemaker at home...stay impartial. i don't konw what to do, or who to believe anymore when it comes to problems at home. my brother is going through a phase. he wont be a dick forever. i hope not. if so...i have some ass to kick. and i will kick it, chris. trust me. haha, remember that time you kicked me really hard, and 5 min later i asked why my ass hurt? hahha yea, i bet you arent reading this. if you are, stop being a dick. please. maybe that is a bit harsh. and as for my parents....i dont know. this is all fucked up. i hate money and i hate problems and i hate people falling out of love and i hate the act of 'forgetting' and i hate ignorance and i hate people who use people and i hate how my home situation is going to get worse. and i have a strong feeling it will. and i dont like how i feel that i have to fix it, and knowing that i cant, and stepping back because this is my family.

im not stepping back, nor am i stepping in.

well, i guess i found something to talk about.

oi.

2006-03-19T18:02:36Z

if you have seen my friends page, you would have seen the warning as to NOT go see 'the hills have eyes'. ew...i don't like movies of that nature..so i wouldnt see it anyway...but pay heed to these warnings!

on the other hand...

V for Vendetta is great...i feel like i missed something though. so a rewatching is going to have to happen soon.

(for some strange reason, i found V sexy O_o;;)

illusion_sage @ 2006-03-11T20:24:00

2006-03-12T01:39:36Z

I am disappointed. I only had one person come to my livejournal dance party. Thank you, Jaime :hearts: I had better see more at the next one, if that happens, pfft. :blows raspberries at everyone: You all suck.

Alright, I have some not-so-great news.

I am no longer part of a band. It was a short-lived, yet very fun experience. I got to play in a show at least!! ^_^ I did learn from the past couple months as well as enjoy almost every moment of it. I was able to help create a band, work through difficulties in finding members, being there when all players finally fit together harmoniously, then seeing a group emerge. It was enjoiable.

The reason for this is that the band's vision of their style of music is changing. We're no longer going for a Broken Social Scene - esque idea...they have a more 'rocking' vision, where I am not needed. Some of their reasonings I understand and agree with, and some, in my opinion, were simply ignorant. But everything happens for a reason, right? I'll find another band, and it'll be awesome because now I have experience and knowledge.

Anyway, on a happier note, I'm home for a couple days for Spring Break '06. So, I'll be seeing some of you around ^_~

(Oh, and just kidding about the 'you all suck'; but i better see more people next time *stares at*)

boo-yah, grandma!!

2006-03-03T04:16:39Z

alright!!

livejournal dance party!!

who's with me!?

^_^

come on, you know you want to!

i just want to be good at something.

2006-03-01T05:05:30Z

i dont think i was meant to be a music major...they say music picks us, but i think music made a mistake. people tell me that everyone has problems, but they just don't show it. then why do i? is it because i repress enough shit down that this music is just one more thing that i cannot push in there?

i think im trying to suppress too much. and music, being what it is, won't let me.

yes, this is another rant on livejournal.

::sigh::

it makes me so sad because i can't live without making music. and the fact that another thing i love is breaking my heart. but if you think about it, its just me breaking my own heart and driving me mad while i look happy on the outside.

[i have to develop my confidence level] where has my self-esteem gone to?
whatever little bit i had before is gone i think. i can't even answer a question in class without my heart racing and getting all hot and nervous.

im gone. i just want my fucking brownie.

(i hope i was meant to be a music major)

on a better note, i had a great dinner. and to think, i didn't think i'd get to have dinner tonight. so that is always a plus.

another addition: i'm just frustrated. happens. i'll get over it and all will be well again.

stars

2006-02-19T15:27:06Z

so friday was know|think's first show. i think we did great. we received a lot of positive feedback, we would make anyone smile. the was an awesome turn out, and it was so much fun hehe. it was nice to see familiar faces out in the crowd. once again, <3 and thanks to all who came...ah! haha..my first show XD 'magine that? thought i'd never be able to do it. paulson was amazing! oh mann....they were awesome. danced with fadwa almost their whole set...i love them. the other bands were good as well. i'm glad i got to meet some people in the bands and i met a lot of others as well. alas, i shouldve stayed at the after party longer. i figured since my roomate showed up, i might as well check out her party. it was alright..kinda fun, kinda lame...so i left like 20 min after i showed up. :shrug: things annoyed me there.

i'v got a shit load of work to catch up on so i'll catch you kiddos later

::hugs to all::

illusion_sage @ 2006-02-09T01:55:00

2006-02-09T07:04:06Z

This song made me feel a rememberance to what it was like post here often. I miss it. Hehe, yes, I miss posting here. I didn't give up on posting, I just, don't have much to say.

It's 1:56 in the AM. I'm tired, hungry, alone...yet, content. Heh, I'm even smiling a bit. Hahah..want to know what I like do to best when alone? And no, not masturbate, you perverts, you, it's to throw my own dance party! woo! Haha, yea. Dance and sing around the room. It feel's best when I should be working on the usual homework. I should be listening to some pieces at the moment, but, am not, as you can see.

The sky tonight was gorgeous. Walking back after class, I looked up and it was like, clarity. There were clouds, yes. Thin whispy fall into air current and landed randomly clouds. It, heh, reminded me of a time I went to the beach with a friend. Same cold air, almost same yet not, night sky. Good times...

Exit does not exist

Oh man! Get this. I had this spontaneous jazz lesson last night with this crazy awesome woman. It was my friend Fadwa's jazz camp teacher from back in middle school. This woman is lovely. Our '10 min' lesson went to over an hour. By the end of it, I was improv-ing over a C major blues scale...it was jamming! Shit, I honestly never thought I would be able to do that. Jazz really pushes you to the edge of who you are as a musician. It requires a lot of thought...anyway. I can go on for a while on that...so I'll spare you.

Oh...I want to post later about this dream I had...or maybe I won't. We'll see...

I hope you are all well, friends. Goodnight <3